Sea Change

It’s been over a year since I last wrote here. 

I didn’t intend to take a break. Not really….  It wasn’t because I was feeling uninspired, depressed or overwhelmed; all reasons that have hijacked my creativity in the past. On the contrary actually. My experiences over the last 12 months have been so transformational that I really wanted to speak about them. But though I felt deeply connected and excited about my subject matter, whenever I sat to put fingers to keyboard I could not find my way through finishing a cohesive offering. I felt restrained by the written word in a way I’d never experienced before. Almost like anything I wrote down and published for public view would lock me into a state of being that was meant to be only transitory. Somehow I just knew that I needed to be in my own experience with loads of room for shape shifting. I needed room to be immersed in my process without outside eyes or other opinions coming into play.

So I percolated and I reflected. I considered my life, my place and my purpose in the world, especially since it changed so dramatically in 2020. I sat with all that I've learned in those five very weird years.

Nothing seems the same. It feels like some kind of science fiction time warp. Cue the legendary Tim Curry dancing in lacey drag in my head. Cue Rocky Horror Picture Show theme song with hazy memories of my 20’s. This makes me smile.

…….please excuse me….. my mind wanders these days. 

…time warps…. 

Last spring a dear friend expressed to me that she was experiencing shifting perspectives so fast these days that she was aware of her belief systems changing in the moment.  She laughed as she confided “There are things I believed to be true a year ago that I don’t believe now”. When you really think about it that is a very powerful statement. She was speaking to our ability as humans to integrate new information and implement it in our daily lives as the new normal in real time. She was talking about the experience of palpable evolution. And in this amazing awareness I can’t help but also acknowledge its opposite, the choice, whether conscious or not, to remain locked in old ways in face of new information, even and often at the detriment to our own health and the greater well being. This is the nature of being human. We have the potential for all things.

If you have ever chosen spinach for dinner then snuck out for a cigarette at midnight in a dark alley months after you told everyone you’d quit (or something similar), you’ll know what I’m talking about. 

What a crazy time to be alive. We are being bombarded with ridiculous amounts of information 24/7 and we get to choose what to do with it; we get the option to believe or to not. We can access the world from our handheld computers and in a matter of seconds and confirm and reaffirm multiple times just about any viewpoint imaginable. So when I thought about adding my voice to the mix, in the finality of print or video to be ‘out there’ in perpetuity, I wanted to do it with clarity of purpose, from as grounded a place as possible and with as much love as possible.

All this was in the back of my head when I sat to write my blog. And it was also present as I sat to create classes for Wanderful Bodies. And though I loved and still find real value in the contributions I had shared in the past, I also felt that something else was on the horizon. So I put a hold on my sharing and waited. A new practice was in the works. I could sense my evolution in real time. I was re formatting and defragmenting myself. I was collecting the pieces of me I had lost or discarded or given away or hid, pulling them all to my chest and loving all of them into place. I was loving myself back together so I could share from a space of wholeness like never before, in ways that went way past just voicing my opinions or working people out.

I was completely reevaluating my Why.

Why do I do what I do? And what do I actually want to do now?

Are you curious? I’m so excited to tell you!

But first a little bit of back story….

I have always loved learning. As far back in my timeline as I can remember I felt a strange and constant internal drive. I am almost always immersed in a new training, a rebranding or adding to my business, picking up a new hobby or exploring a new modality. It is very normal for me to bite off more than I can chew in these respects. I get excited and dive in without really considering if I have the time or energy to actually complete the thing. For the most part this gut instinct has always led me to something wonderful, if occasionally in a roundabout way. And I do actually complete the things, though usually a bit stressed and tired by the end. This constant state of evolution keeps things very interesting. 

It also has a down side. It can and has led me repeatedly into a results oriented mindset where I only feel valuable when I am crossing goals off my to-do list. My ego side loves to speak about this tendency as if my commitment to constant growth gets me karmic brownie points. But truly my heart longs for quiet and stillness and lazy days without agenda or appointments where just being me is enough. Where I am appreciated for the depth of my heart and my capacity to love more than what I can do for others.

I was in a space of curiosity about this pattern last year when I found a Foundations of Somatics course online. Truthfully I had been eyeing the full 14 month somatic coaching program since 2021 but was actually making a conscious effort to keep my commitments more palatable. So when the short course presented itself I signed up and it was possibly the most life changing decision I have ever made. 

The concepts within the course were paradigm shifting. Within the first session I felt more grounded. By the second I felt calmer. As we progressed, I continued to feel softer and more at home with myself. I grew way less likely to react, not just on the outside but inside too. I was able to stay calm in activated moments and breathe through them. For so many years I believed I that my tendency to be high strung was just who I was. This course allowed me to see that the anxiety I felt was not really me; it was coping mechanisms build from past experiences. This full body realization brought my anxiety levels down several notches and this calm actually lasted. I became a more patient mother. My relationships got better. I had more love for myself and humanity. I felt so good. I knew in my heart I was in the right place. 

Signing up for the longer more in depth coaching course was truly a no brainer. I applied without hesitation and cried when I was accepted.

This is where I have been for the last eight months. I and 200 other women are sharing space as we heal together. We are learning to peel off the layers of colonization and patriarchy. We are holding space for each other as we gift our nervous systems with the tools to slow, soften, integrate and become more regulated. Our practices lead us slowly inward and often feel so simple its like we are doing almost nothing. But that is exactly where the beauty is. Instead of cramming my brain full of information we are given tools to just be present and experience ourselves in a very different way. In a world where we women are programmed to push down our feelings and adjust and become what others expect of us, this course is teaching us to listen inward, trust in our own lived experience and come home to ourselves. 

Magic. 

Cue the scene in Love Actually when Laura Linney does her happy dance.

If you’ve ever had a moment of such complete and utter clarity that you suddenly saw the cosmic reason for each and every experience of your entire life and it made sense and you knew you’d never be the same…. well, you’ll know what I am talking about.

After nearly a year of somatic study, practice and integration I know what I am here to do and I am finally ready to share.

I want to practice movement that looks past mindfulness and into conscious embodiment. I want to move in ways that connect me to my innate body intelligence and gift myself free rein to express it without shame. I want to practice in a way that allows me to fall more in love with the miracle that is my body. I want to sweat, not because I am trying to make parts of myself smaller, but in support of strength, alignment, longevity and full body joy. And I want to create a community space where I can share what I’ve learned with women who yearn for the same. This is the vision I hold. And this is the blue print for the new Wanderful Bodies.

Do you find it mildly comical that all this self discovery and practice of slowing down has led me to yet another restructuring? I sure do. I’m giggling to myself as I type……But it feels so different this time.

Launching right in time for my 50th birthday, I am so excited to announce the Wanderful In Practice on Wanderful Bodies. 13 new recorded movement classes a month, accessible for all members to move along with me, with love, support and curiosity. Each made to rebalance our alignment, build strength, regulated our nervous systems and create somatic safety within our very unique and beautiful bodies. Also included is one monthly women’s circle, in person and via zoom.

What happens when we create the space for ourselves to practice consistently? What happens when we practice both with the intention to build strength and balance and from a deep desire to know our true selves from the inside out? What happens when we embrace the uncomfortable and develop the understanding that doing so expands our resiliency and our capacity for joy and freedom? What happens when we move slowly so we can truly be present and available to our body’s intelligent voice. What happens when we use that voice as our guide? What happens when we move our bodies from a place of exploration and the conscious choice to acclimate in love of our human journey. What happens when we do all this with kindness and grace and the knowledge that we are absolutely perfect exactly as we are. What happens when we love ourselves deeply while taking intentional steps to expand our perceptions and capabilities. What happens when we truly embrace the journey; the highs, lows, and most espcially everything in between?

What happens when we move slower, feel deeper, expand our love and bring our humanity fully online?

Let's find out.

I’m so excited to announce the new Wander In Practice within the Wanderful Bodies streaming studio, launching December 1, 2024.

I’ll meet you there.

…..Cue the sensation of calm and quiet that no movie I have ever seen can replicate. If you’ve ever realized you’ve found your true calling, you’ll know what I’m talking about.