My Daughter is My Greatest Teacher
A few days ago after I picked Oona up from school we stopped at the beach by our house to take a few pictures of the sun reflecting off the water. Instead, I ended up taking photos of her laughing and playing chase with the waves. It didn’t matter that we had only intended to stay a couple of minutes. It didn’t matter that she was in her clothes and getting soaked and sandy. She saw something that looked like fun and ran to it.
A half-hour later on our way back to the parking lot we saw a man collecting cans and putting them in a baby stroller. Though this is not uncommon here, Maui has a large population of people without homes, it did take some getting used to for me. My concern for my child’s safety can on occasion override my concern and compassion for others. But not Oona. She ran up to this man, startling him with a very loud “Hi, I’m Oona!”
At first, he was quite alarmed. He jumped back, arms lifted in the air. Though I was right there with her and had seen the whole thing, he wanted to make it very clear that he meant her no harm. He went on to tell us that there were a lot of bad people in the world and that we had to be careful.
Curiosity filled me. Though I chose not to impose, I was filled with questions. What was his story? What had happened in his life that had led him to believe that the world was filled with bad people? And was he somehow mirroring to me my tendency to be a ferocious mother bear, with fear and protect first empathy second streak?
I thanked him and told him I appreciated his concern for our safety. He softened and told us his name, Erving. He called Oona “Senorita” and we talked briefly about my sad lack of a second language, and then it was time to go. As we climbed into the car he wished us well with a vigorous “God bless you!” and went back to digging in the garbage. He did not ask us for food or money.
Not once during this whole interaction did Oona display any fear. The fact that Erving was dirty and his shoes were mismatched and filled with holes went completely unnoticed. She also had zero interest in why he was collecting cans. She simply saw another human and wanted to say hi.
I am humbled. I can do so much better. If he is willing, the next time I see him I will ask Erving to share his story. Maui is a magical place where we share space together and maybe he has the wisdom to share with me. Clearly, Oona does.
Through her eyes I am given the opportunity to witness my own prejudices and really address how they have played out in my life. I get to see the ways I have closed myself up to love and wonder. I get to see where I have made a habit of rushing past the fun stuff because I have things to get done. And I get to embrace my emotions as they come up. All this through Oona, a tiny package, and a giant mirror.
Her heart is huge. She loves like she has never been hurt. And everything she sees is something new and exciting to be explored. What would our world look like if we all chose to shift our minds to be curious? What if we all just dropped our layers of protective coating and just loved each other? It starts with one. Just one person who is willing to look deeper and choose, even though we’ve been hurt in the past, to live with a more open heart. It starts with you and it starts with me. I’m in.
Will you join me?
Let’s continue this conversation in the comments below!
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