Self Sabotage
Hey Friends. How are you doing today? Are you feeling in love with your life? Or do you feel like you have some areas that could use some work?
Really what I'm asking is ....... are you happy? Do you feel like you are moving in the direction of your dreams? If the answer to both these questions is no, then my next question for you is WHY?
What is stopping you from living your life in the way you dream? What is getting in the way?
Maybe you can relate to my top five excuses.....
Money, time, family obligations, permission from partners, oh, and the right pair of shoes.
How many things can you list that are in between you and your most joyful life? How many circumstances are all adding up to you wishing for more?
Ok. I hear you. And I very much relate.
So, take a deep breath with me, and let's get into it. Settle in for a moment. Picture in your mind someone who you admire. Maybe this is a community member, maybe someone in your family, maybe it's someone you follow on Instagram doing all the things you wish you could do, living the life you wish you could. See them smiling as they share their experiences, take bold steps, and accomplish all the things you deeply wish you could too. What are you feeling right now? Is it excitement? Is it frustration? Is it envy? To be honest, there is no need for shame here. Who really triggers you? What do they have or do that you do not?
Here's the thing my friend. The number one thing that is standing between you and your dreams is YOU, not your circumstances. The people you envy doing the stuff you want to be doing, had circumstances too. They just decided that despite those circumstances, they were going to do the thing anyway.
Feeling triggered? Good! That means you are ready to shift. It doesn't have to be today. You don't have to read anymore. But if you want to begin now, please grab a pen and paper and keep going.....
I invite you to make a list of your top three desires. I'm not talking about a fancy car or a new designer outfit. I'm talking about the dream you have had for years but have not yet accomplished. I'm speaking to the longing, deep within your soul that has been whispering quietly to you for years. The voice that calmly and lovingly sings "You were meant for more, you were meant to shine, you were meant to live an expansive and joy-filled life." Look at your list. What really lights you up?
Is it your dream job? Is it learning a new language? Is it traveling to a new country? Is it more financial freedom?
Get really specific. Look at these three dreams and picture yourself living a life that incorporates each one. Feel the joy, feel the freedom, and feel the confidence and love for yourself that comes from living a fully embodied life.
Now, as you breathe into that picture of your most expanded you, I want you to ask yourself.... how much do you want it?
What would it take to get it?
Five years ago I came head to head with all the ways I was getting in my own way. All the ways I chose to play small. All the ways I was self-sabotaging my biggest dreams. And I decided I was no longer ok with playing small with my life. I didn't want to continue to give my power away by buying into the idea that my circumstances were more important than my dreams.
Circumstances will always be available for us to point the finger at and blame for the life we are living. Are you ready to try a different way? Are you self-sabotaging your own expanded life with excuses?
Here are a few awesome tools to build new patterns and get you moving toward your dreams. It may not happen overnight, but with time and shifts in mindset, you can accomplish anything.
One of the biggest tricks to moving out of self-sabotage is to recognize when we are actually in it and begin the work of changing that habit. And truly, that's all it is, a habit. Moving consistently in the direction of your dreams is a habit too. It's just one you haven't spent enough time building yet.
Most likely, if you are dreaming of things you think you can't do, you are in self-sabotage mode. Yes, it is that simple. Here are some of the many ways I know I self-sabotage:
My dreams are to grow my online client base and express my creative voice through painting, but instead of making content or practicing my art I choose to:
clean the already clean enough house
scroll on social media for hours
grocery shop when I have plenty of food at home
convince myself that I can't show up on video unless I have a new pair of yoga pants and having a good hair day
deep dive into watching others paint on youtube without actually picking up a brush myself
Can you relate?
Cool. Here's how I shift this. I look at my week, schedule my video shoots, schedule my creative time, and share my calendar with my husband to guarantee a quiet house. Then I show up for my appointment with myself. I know it sounds simple. It is simple. You just have to do it.
You must make your dream a priority and show up for it. If your self-sabotage skills are high, I love to encourage the practice of what I call a "bypass goal", meaning that we start to override the self-sabotage mechanism and build our self-trust not with the most direct route, but through a different less intimidating avenue.... the scenic route, if you will. This is where I love mindful movement as a facilitator of positive change. Moving the body is a tangible way to prove to yourself that you are important to yourself. Committing to movement daily very quickly builds your self-confidence and the self-trust that you are capable of making positive change. And this confidence quickly bleeds over into the rest of your life, moving the bigger dreams out of the impossible range and more within reach because you have already proven to yourself that you can show up, you are capable of change, and you are still able to meet your other obligations fully and with love. Feeling stronger, more flexible, more confident, and sexier in your physical body from the daily movement practice is a happy side effect!
Does this resonate? Cool! Keep going...
The simple next step in moving towards your goal is to schedule it. I am going to use movement as a go-to example here but really it could be anything. Maybe you want to learn to speak Spanish or play the guitar. Whatever is calling to you, get it on your calendar, even if it's just 15 minutes a day, and do not let anything keep you from completing that 15 minutes. Your dreams are very much possible, you just have to make them a priority and get the hell out of your own way.
Be prepared for your inner critic to pop its head up and try to talk you out of it. That fun little voice will try to use all the examples from your past that support why you can't have what you want. All that is the ego trying to keep you safe. All that is is history, and each new moment is a chance to do it differently.
There are always baby steps we can take towards our goal. Always. All you have to do is decide to take the first one.
It is time for you to blossom, take some time today to reflect on areas where you are in self-sabotage.
Let’s continue this conversation in the comments below!
